A Boy Mom’s Guide To Survival

“Boys are easier”, they said.

“Boys are so fun”, they said.

Yes, they are fun, but easier? Maybe in an alternate universe where there they are not constantly a danger to themselves. From one mom on the verge of having a heart attack to another, here are some tips for survival safety:

  1.  If he can stand on it or sit on it, he will jump off of it. (anything, usually the couch)

     

  2. If he can stand on it or sit on it, he will try to skateboard with it. (think laundry basket lid, cushions)
  3. If he can stand on it or sit on it, he will try to surf on it. (think gliding ottoman)
  4. If he can sit on it, he will try to ride it. (his toy wheel-barrow – he turns it over and makes it into a car)
  5. If he can’t reach it, he will find a way. (see next)
  6. If it’s at all climbable, he will climb it. (chairs, tables, tv stands, toys, beds, nightstands…you get the idea.)
  7. If the ottoman and the living room table are close to each other, he will do his best planking move. (don’t bother moving them, see next)

  8. If they aren’t close to each other, he will move them. (can you cement furniture to the floor?)
  9. Anything in his hand is a potential weapon, to you or himself.
  10. The more dangerous something is, the more he likes it.

So what if all your preparations fail? What next??

Make sure you are well-versed in head injuries, concussions and broken bones. Keep ice packs readily available as well as coffee for your sleepless nights.

Most importantly, be friends with your family doctor. Have ALL of the numbers to reach said doctor at any time day or night on speed dial. Keep them hanging on the refrigerator, in your cell phone, at the school, with friends, frankly, anyone your son is with.

When all else fails and hopefully the boy is safe and sound (which only happens when he sleeps), have your alcohol of choice on hand.

Pour, drink and repeat.

Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor….

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23 thoughts on “A Boy Mom’s Guide To Survival

  1. Ace

    HAHAHA, my thoughts exactly. Might I add that if they find out it could theoretically be taken apart, they will take it apart? Life with a boy is like living one heart palpitation from the edge. =)

    Reply
  2. chicachicababies

    We have boy-girl twins and our BOY is the mellow one. The girl one is ALL OVER THE PLACE. She comes up with the dangerous ideas (dangerous enough for 2 year olds), and then brother follows along, being a good sport. She got all the coordination, so he’s the one perpetually falling off the stack of storage bins, tumbling down the stairs, or getting squashed under a tub of wooden blocks.

    Wine helps, you’re so right.

    Reply
    1. C2C

      A simple clone of me would be nice…..one to watch him constantly and the other to actually shower, cook, clean….you know the basics. :-) I hear it’s easier the more you have, but I don’t plan on finding out. :-)

      Reply
    1. C2C

      Thanks! Just had to vent a bit because I constantly feel like I’m one heart attack away from my son really hurting himself!

      Reply
  3. Expat Eye

    This made me laugh – which I’m sure was not the desired reaction, but then I guess I’m not the right audience ;) I suppose if boys are not easier, then they are certainly more exciting! :)

    Reply
  4. jaklumen

    Wandered over here from… I think it was rarasaur’s place.

    Cimmorene and I have an 11-year old daughter and a 6-year old boy, and BOTH of them have their share of bumps, bruises, scrapes, gashes, and so on. For example, my daughter– the last time she got a black eye, she took a selfie of it.

    Reply
    1. C2C

      Hi! I know, I know. I’m just finding that this is the hardest thing for me to endure! I worry to much! That’s funny about the selfie. My son is only 20 months old so I have a ways to go before we hit the selfie stage. :-) Thanks for coming by and reading!

      Reply
  5. The GypsyNesters

    Our oldest, a girl, was the one climbing and jumping, and going to the emergency room. Our youngest, and only boy (of 3 kids) never went. But the real difference that makes boys way easier, at least for us, came when they were teenagers. Holy crap, teenage girls!

    Reply

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