Tag Archives: humor

Top 5 German Foods I Wish I'd Never Tried

Top 5 German Foods I Wish I’d Never Tried

To be fair, it was hard to come up with this list as I’m pretty open-minded when it comes to food. I do my best to try everything and give it a fair chance. Sometimes, I even try things twice just to give it the benefit of the doubt. But, when it comes to these things, I tried them once and only once. My husband (and son) love all of these things, but they are just not for me. I tried to find “appetizing” pictures, but for you non-meat eaters out there, you’ve been warned. ;-)

 

1. Leberwurst

Otherwise known as Liver Sausage, you can buy this fresh from the butcher, already packaged in the store or in a glass jar that obviously already has the casing removed. Typically, it’s eaten on an open-faced, buttered slice of bread or in a buttered brötchen.

 

2. Rouladen

From what I’ve read, Rouladen is typically rolled beef filled with onions, pickles, bacon and mustard, but the recipes vary by region and generational traditions. For instance, M’s mom serves it filled with a hard-cooked egg which is the only way I have ever tried it. I know many cultures, including my own, have different ways of serving beef and eggs together. Whatever the country, I’m not interested. M has also made a dish that has ham stuffed with ground beef in a sort of cream sauce. No, thanks. I like all of these things separately on their own, but let’s not start mixing them, k?

Rouladen

 

 

3. Fischfrikadellen

These are basically fish cakes, which I think are similar to crab cakes, and while I quite enjoy the latter, for some reason I don’t like these. The one time I tried it, I almost spit it out, but to be fair, I’ve never had one fresh from a restaurant or home-made. So, if that were ever the case, I might be willing to give it another go.

fischfrikadellen-mit-kraeutersauce

 

 

4. Mezzo Mix

Okay, so in case you didn’t know, Germans really enjoy combining drinks. You’ve got Radler (beer with lemonade), Cola Bier (beer and coke) Banane Weizen (banana juice with Hefeweizen) and in this case, Coke and Fanta mixed (well cola and orange soda to steer clear of brands). This is another one I almost spit out the first time I tried it, however, if I make the mix myself, it is quite good. I still have to be in the mood for it and can;t drink it regularly, but when doing it myself, I can add less coke which I think is why I don’t like the pre-made version. The cola is very strong and overpowering, in my opinion. I know I’m in the minority as it’s very popular here. (And no, my son hasn’t tried this one before I get any crazed comments, “you let your toddler have caffeine/soda?”)

mezzo mix

 

 

5. Schokolade Croissant

I can hear you all gasping, running to unfriend or unfollow me as fast as possible. I know it’s an awful thing to admit, but I hate these. I have tried them multiple times because my boys love them and somehow, I always end up holding them, but every time I do I regret it. For me, it’s like biting off a huge piece of chocolate wrapped in a small amount of bread. For me to like it, you’d have to flip that scenario and make it a whole-lotta bread with a dash of chocolate. I know. The horror! Please forgive me.

Schoko-Croissant

 

So, what about you? Any foods from where you live or your home country that you can’t stand? I’d especially like to hear the ones that are popular with everyone else (like my mezzo mix and croissant).

Saturday Feature: Tales From The Motherland

I love this link-up so much! I hate to admit it, but I’m just not always able to get to everyone’s blogs during the week and I miss out on some great posts sometimes. But, when you share them here, I never miss out and neither does anyone else who follows along. I had some great ones this week and even more fun were the new people who joined us. Just so happens that this week’s winner is a newbie because this post is just too funny and right up my alley this week. We sold our car and haven’t found another one yet so it has been very challenging and stressful. We don’t live in a city where there is easy access to public transportation and while everything is going to be fine, I still used the word “HATE” a lot this week.Plus, this post mentions the other place I call home on the internet, Tipsy Lit. 

So, when I saw Dawn’s post, I just knew I had to feature it. Dawn writes over at Tales From The Motherland and is the process of waiting to hear back about the publishing of her novel. She is a traveler, as are her children, with one who lives an an expat herself, like many of us. Her youngest is about to graduate and I mention this because the pieces she writes about her children just bring your emotions out in full force. She has so much knowledge and wisdom to share about parenting and is an excellent writer who has been freshly pressed twice and also had a story published like myself.

A pretty picture I took, to soften the blow of the word “hate.”

First, let me explain the title… I can easily come up with 21 things that I irrationally (if you say so) hate, but the idea for this post comes from Ericka Clay’s post, which she stole from me, before I could think of it. She did it first, but it was just so great, I had to do my own list. These are 21 Things I Irrationally  Hate:

  1. Bloggers who come up with ideas for posts that I totally wish I had thought of myself. This is specifically directed at Ericka Clay, at Tipsy Lit, for coming up with this particular blog post, before I could think of it myself… Which, for the record, I eventually would have. (It should be noted that Ericka’s post is titled, “Twenty-one Things I Irrationally Hate, while mine is “21 Things…” See, it’s different. I thought of using the number… not spelled out. Not the same.)
  2. That my husband can’t in fact read my mind. If he could, we could avoid so many arguments, because he would know that I’m thinking: … And don’t argue with me.
  3. When someone in my house, generally a teenager, or someone much younger than me, eats the last of something that I didn’t say I wanted (particularly left-overs that I cooked!)… but I did… really want. This could also be filed under: people who can’t read my mind.
  4. Raisins, especially cooked in anything. (And once you’ve picked on out of your kid’s diaper… well, you can never eat one again!)
  5. When anyone at the grocery store, anyone, calls me “Mam.”  It’s bad enough that I have to do the grocery shopping in the first place, without also being reminded that I’m a Mam now.
  6. Sauerkraut.
  7. Scales that don’t say what I want.
  8. That eating chocolate chip cookies/bacon/nutty bits/milkshakes/Cheez Its/ Doritos/most of my favorite foods, don’t melt fat.  Who thought of that bullshit science anyway? Thank God, sushi does… melt fat.
  9. That working out and not eating does in fact burn fat.  Again, science. Really?
  10. That I’m 51 and I didn’t start doing what I really want to be doing: writing, thirty years ago. For real.
  11. Editors and Agents that seem to think it’s reasonable for me to wait 6 to 9 months, to know if they like my manuscript. Don’t they know that I’m 51 and wish I’d done this thirty years ago? (Even if I couldn’t have written this particular novel 30 years ago.)
  12. That other writers keep telling me that I do indeed have to wait this long to hear from editors and agents, and that: “that’s just the way it is.” Bite me, agents, editors and other writers.
  13. Most teenage girls.
  14. Teenage boys who say “dude” to everyone. Really? Dude?
  15. Other bloggers who get their novels published, while I wait to hear from editors and agents… Hmm, Ericka Clay just got her novel published.  And well, it does look really good, but… Other bloggers who get their novels published.
  16.  That bladder control issues, wrinkles, acne, weight gain, and a host of other insults, all come at an age when you are already freaking out, just thinking: What the fuck! I only have twenty (reasonably good) years left? And I haven’t heard from that agent or editor yet!
  17. Stores who post a “We card anyone under 40,” sign, and then card me. Do we really need to make that point, Mam?
  18. People who are always on time. So, I’m a little late sometimes. It starts innocently: I have some extra time, and then some friends from high school, who I wasn’t necessarily friends with in high school, have posted some things on Facebook that I really need to read? And like, and comment on.  And then there was a photo on the sidebar of Facebook that I had to see: of a snake eating a crocodile (never mind that snakes give me the willies, and these photos totally freaked me out)… Which led to a photo of an otter (!!) eating an alligator… Which got me wondering when crocodiles and alligators became such losers… Which got me wondering what Liza Minnelli had to say about Ellen DeGeneres’ Oscar joke… which made me wonder which award winning movies I should add to Netflix (because yes, I still use Netflix)… which got me checking out other movies, and realizing I’ll never get to see the 3,452 movies on my Netflix list…  Why the hell doesn’t the rest of the world realize that shit happens, and I might be late?
  19. When people put the chips on the cereal shelf, or the measuring cups in the Ziplock- bag drawer, and then when I complain explain why I don’t like that, ask me why I care, when my office is a hoarder’s den… like chips have anything to do with my office?
  20. Yellow bananas. Make mine a semi-green one, every time.
  21. Whistling. Unless it’s in this song. Or this one.
  22. People who complain.

Yeah; that’s twenty-two. I had more than 21, and I didn’t want to erase any of them. I also hate limits.  Now, share yours. What do you hate? You can make your own list… but be a good egg, and link back to my post, and Ericka’s. And Note: I think I have more than made up for borrowing Ericka’s idea, by linking to her a bazillion times here!

Hope you enjoyed that and if you did, make sure you go by and check out Tales From the Motherland for yourself. Have a great weekend everyone!

A Boy Mom’s Guide To Survival

“Boys are easier”, they said.

“Boys are so fun”, they said.

Yes, they are fun, but easier? Maybe in an alternate universe where there they are not constantly a danger to themselves. From one mom on the verge of having a heart attack to another, here are some tips for survival safety:

  1.  If he can stand on it or sit on it, he will jump off of it. (anything, usually the couch)

     

  2. If he can stand on it or sit on it, he will try to skateboard with it. (think laundry basket lid, cushions)
  3. If he can stand on it or sit on it, he will try to surf on it. (think gliding ottoman)
  4. If he can sit on it, he will try to ride it. (his toy wheel-barrow – he turns it over and makes it into a car)
  5. If he can’t reach it, he will find a way. (see next)
  6. If it’s at all climbable, he will climb it. (chairs, tables, tv stands, toys, beds, nightstands…you get the idea.)
  7. If the ottoman and the living room table are close to each other, he will do his best planking move. (don’t bother moving them, see next)

  8. If they aren’t close to each other, he will move them. (can you cement furniture to the floor?)
  9. Anything in his hand is a potential weapon, to you or himself.
  10. The more dangerous something is, the more he likes it.

So what if all your preparations fail? What next??

Make sure you are well-versed in head injuries, concussions and broken bones. Keep ice packs readily available as well as coffee for your sleepless nights.

Most importantly, be friends with your family doctor. Have ALL of the numbers to reach said doctor at any time day or night on speed dial. Keep them hanging on the refrigerator, in your cell phone, at the school, with friends, frankly, anyone your son is with.

When all else fails and hopefully the boy is safe and sound (which only happens when he sleeps), have your alcohol of choice on hand.

Pour, drink and repeat.

Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor….

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Telling the Truth

Well, today marks the end of my little game that I will admit, I really enjoyed playing.  To recap, last week, I asked you all to play along in guessing which one of the 6 statements about me was a lie. Then, to help eliminate some of the possibilities, I shared two truths.

So are you ready to finally find out the truth? Have I had guns pointed at me? Do I have 13 tattoos?? Here is what the list looks like one more time with the remaining possibilities:

  1. My senior year of high school I had 33 hours of detention from skipping class.
  2. I dated my driver’s education teacher and still can’t parallel park.
  3. I’ve had brain surgery.
  4. I’ve never put my foot into a pair of high heels.
  5. I’ve had a gun pointed at me on two separate occasions.
  6. I have 13 tattoos with plans for more.

Out of 12 guesses, 7 people believe #4 is the lie! I had 1 guess for #5, 2 guesses for #2 and 2 guesses for #6.

#2——>>>>TRUE

Definitely the thoughts of my husband.

Definitely the thoughts of my husband.

Well…..I don’t know what to say about this except it is true and a bit embarrassing now as an adult. I was 15 and he was around 30. I wasn’t the only girl in our class he was “seeing”. We went on one date, had one or two kisses (I can’t remember) and I still can’t parallel park. When it came to that part on the practical portion of the driving test, I reminded him how we never practiced that because we were too busy “hanging out” and he just passed me. Total fail for me as someone who now lives in Europe.

#4——>>>>TRUE!

I bet you 7 people are disappointed as you seemed pretty positive that you spotted the lie! But I have, in fact, NEVER worn a pair of high heels. I have tried to wear a pair of wedges and have worn a slight chunky heel, but never the standard high heel or pump.

My shoe choices would be these

Converse all the way every day!

Converse all the way every day!

Or anything the fictional character, Abby Sciuto, would wear (especially these!)

Love these!

Love these!

#5—–>>>> TRUE!

Yes, on two separate occasions I have had a gun pointed at me; once being an instance of road rage and the other being in the wrong place with the wrong people. BOTH involving dating stupid men who definitely fall into the loser category. Lucky for me, nothing happened and I eventually broke up with both of those idiots.

One of them actually did!

One of them actually did!

So, it’s pretty clear that #6 is the LIE!

Amy was spot on when she said it was “not due to lack of tattoos, but my guess is that the number is wrong.” EXACTLY! Ding! Ding! Ding! I have 3 tattoos, not 13 although I do plan to get more. Tattoos are addicting so as I’m running out of what I consider to be “appropriate places”, I am being very cautious and putting much thought into the next one or two I get. (By the way, if you look in my welcome picture, you can see the one on my wrist….JS).

Thanks for playing along! I really enjoyed reading your answers!

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Dear Doc McStuffins

Image Courtesy of  thedisneystore.com

Image Courtesy of thedisneystore.com

Dear Doc McStuffins,

I am writing this letter to you today to say, from the bottom of my exhausted heart, THANK YOU. I am not one who supports the idea of my child watching endless hours of television, but there is no denying the happiness he feels when watching your show. While there are a couple of others my son likes, no one compares to you. To him, you are the icing on the cake, the cherry and sprinkles on top, the chocolate chip in his cookie.

Image courtesy of wikipedia.com

Image courtesy of wikipedia.com

Thank you for your theme song which when played is like the magic flute of the pied piper (without the tragic ending of course). The instant my son hears it, he smiles, even if in the middle of a complete and total meltdown. He runs to the television, dances and sings as if in a trance by your magical powers. He could listen to your song on repeat all day long if I let him(I’ve thought about it). And to be honest, it is kind of catchy and the least annoying cartoon song I’ve heard to date.

Thank you to all of your stuffed animal friends. My son thinks they are funny and giggles when they come to life and do silly things. He especially loves when Lamby sings; it’s like a lullaby to him.

Thank you for your cute “morals of the story” and the every day instructions you make fun. He doesn’t understand about washing his hands, checkups, or allergies yet, but someday he will.

But most of all, thank you for being the toddler whisperer for my child. Some days there is just no pleasing him! He’s cranky and fussy and I’m at my whit’s end.  And then….the magic happens, the sun shines and the stars align as it is Doc McStuffins time! He can run to the TV, sing and dance and although this mom thinks she needs a break, the overwhelming adorable quality of seeing him be so happy in such a pure, childish moment, will make this mom smile, laugh and sing along. Whatever was frustrating or exhausting will be washed away in an instant, for both of us.

Nothing in the world compares to the smile on a child’s face, especially when it’s your own child. Thank you for giving us extra smiles today and every day.
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