Tag Archives: boys

A Boy Mom’s Guide To Survival

“Boys are easier”, they said.

“Boys are so fun”, they said.

Yes, they are fun, but easier? Maybe in an alternate universe where there they are not constantly a danger to themselves. From one mom on the verge of having a heart attack to another, here are some tips for survival safety:

  1.  If he can stand on it or sit on it, he will jump off of it. (anything, usually the couch)

     

  2. If he can stand on it or sit on it, he will try to skateboard with it. (think laundry basket lid, cushions)
  3. If he can stand on it or sit on it, he will try to surf on it. (think gliding ottoman)
  4. If he can sit on it, he will try to ride it. (his toy wheel-barrow – he turns it over and makes it into a car)
  5. If he can’t reach it, he will find a way. (see next)
  6. If it’s at all climbable, he will climb it. (chairs, tables, tv stands, toys, beds, nightstands…you get the idea.)
  7. If the ottoman and the living room table are close to each other, he will do his best planking move. (don’t bother moving them, see next)

  8. If they aren’t close to each other, he will move them. (can you cement furniture to the floor?)
  9. Anything in his hand is a potential weapon, to you or himself.
  10. The more dangerous something is, the more he likes it.

So what if all your preparations fail? What next??

Make sure you are well-versed in head injuries, concussions and broken bones. Keep ice packs readily available as well as coffee for your sleepless nights.

Most importantly, be friends with your family doctor. Have ALL of the numbers to reach said doctor at any time day or night on speed dial. Keep them hanging on the refrigerator, in your cell phone, at the school, with friends, frankly, anyone your son is with.

When all else fails and hopefully the boy is safe and sound (which only happens when he sleeps), have your alcohol of choice on hand.

Pour, drink and repeat.

Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor….

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