Tag Archives: toddlers

A Boy Mom’s Guide To Survival

“Boys are easier”, they said.

“Boys are so fun”, they said.

Yes, they are fun, but easier? Maybe in an alternate universe where there they are not constantly a danger to themselves. From one mom on the verge of having a heart attack to another, here are some tips for survival safety:

  1.  If he can stand on it or sit on it, he will jump off of it. (anything, usually the couch)

     

  2. If he can stand on it or sit on it, he will try to skateboard with it. (think laundry basket lid, cushions)
  3. If he can stand on it or sit on it, he will try to surf on it. (think gliding ottoman)
  4. If he can sit on it, he will try to ride it. (his toy wheel-barrow – he turns it over and makes it into a car)
  5. If he can’t reach it, he will find a way. (see next)
  6. If it’s at all climbable, he will climb it. (chairs, tables, tv stands, toys, beds, nightstands…you get the idea.)
  7. If the ottoman and the living room table are close to each other, he will do his best planking move. (don’t bother moving them, see next)

  8. If they aren’t close to each other, he will move them. (can you cement furniture to the floor?)
  9. Anything in his hand is a potential weapon, to you or himself.
  10. The more dangerous something is, the more he likes it.

So what if all your preparations fail? What next??

Make sure you are well-versed in head injuries, concussions and broken bones. Keep ice packs readily available as well as coffee for your sleepless nights.

Most importantly, be friends with your family doctor. Have ALL of the numbers to reach said doctor at any time day or night on speed dial. Keep them hanging on the refrigerator, in your cell phone, at the school, with friends, frankly, anyone your son is with.

When all else fails and hopefully the boy is safe and sound (which only happens when he sleeps), have your alcohol of choice on hand.

Pour, drink and repeat.

Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor….

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Dear Doc McStuffins

Image Courtesy of  thedisneystore.com

Image Courtesy of thedisneystore.com

Dear Doc McStuffins,

I am writing this letter to you today to say, from the bottom of my exhausted heart, THANK YOU. I am not one who supports the idea of my child watching endless hours of television, but there is no denying the happiness he feels when watching your show. While there are a couple of others my son likes, no one compares to you. To him, you are the icing on the cake, the cherry and sprinkles on top, the chocolate chip in his cookie.

Image courtesy of wikipedia.com

Image courtesy of wikipedia.com

Thank you for your theme song which when played is like the magic flute of the pied piper (without the tragic ending of course). The instant my son hears it, he smiles, even if in the middle of a complete and total meltdown. He runs to the television, dances and sings as if in a trance by your magical powers. He could listen to your song on repeat all day long if I let him(I’ve thought about it). And to be honest, it is kind of catchy and the least annoying cartoon song I’ve heard to date.

Thank you to all of your stuffed animal friends. My son thinks they are funny and giggles when they come to life and do silly things. He especially loves when Lamby sings; it’s like a lullaby to him.

Thank you for your cute “morals of the story” and the every day instructions you make fun. He doesn’t understand about washing his hands, checkups, or allergies yet, but someday he will.

But most of all, thank you for being the toddler whisperer for my child. Some days there is just no pleasing him! He’s cranky and fussy and I’m at my whit’s end.  And then….the magic happens, the sun shines and the stars align as it is Doc McStuffins time! He can run to the TV, sing and dance and although this mom thinks she needs a break, the overwhelming adorable quality of seeing him be so happy in such a pure, childish moment, will make this mom smile, laugh and sing along. Whatever was frustrating or exhausting will be washed away in an instant, for both of us.

Nothing in the world compares to the smile on a child’s face, especially when it’s your own child. Thank you for giving us extra smiles today and every day.
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You Might Be A Toddler If….

A little Jeff Foxworthy inspiration for this one…..enjoy! {Make sure to read it in his voice, it’s more funny that way} ;-)

toddler

  1. You might be a toddler if….You make your own hair products by first sticking your fingers into whatever messy food you can find, then rubbing evenly in your hair. toddler food
  2. You might be a toddler if….Your own favorite styling tool is your fork.
  3. You might be a toddler if….You live by the creed “My way or the highway!”
  4. You might be a toddler if….You think sleep is for the weak!
  5. You might be a toddler if….You think that the snot running out of your nose belongs on your face.
  6. You might be a toddler if….You have declared your mission on earth to destroy any plans your parents have!Evil-toddler-strikes-again_original
  7. You might be a toddler if….You believe in effective communication styles such as head banging, screaming and slapping your own face.toddler tantrum
  8. You might be a toddler if….You practice sharing: what’s yours is yours and what’s mommy’s is yours.
  9. You might be a toddler if….You think socks and shoes are for sissies.
  10. You might be a toddler if….Your patience lasts as long as it takes to yell “Mama!”.

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