The Eyes are the window to your soul - William Shakespeare
I must admit to not truly understanding the depth and meaning behind this famous quote. I thought it merely just beautiful literature meant for inspiration. But then a time came when I knew exactly what it meant and I was experiencing it first hand. This time was during the beginning of my relationship with my husband, who we will call M. I remember always thinking that M had beautiful eyes and how they seemed to just be filled with light. I remember thinking what a wonderful person I thought M was and being in awe of how wonderfully he treated me. I remember thinking I could look into his eyes forever; they were so intriguing and engaging. It finally dawned on me one day that the light in his eyes was happiness and love. In this epiphany, I realized that I could see his love for me and how happy he was just to be with me. I could see that he was happy with his life and those in it. For someone who had never experienced this before, it was life changing and beautiful.
So why am I writing about this? Well, other than to tell you how wonderful M is, would be to tell you how I watched the light disappear. Life has definitely thrown us our share of curve balls the past two years, but it was one of those times in your life where you get knocked down just as soon as you get up. Gradually, M’s bright eyes faded. The only glimpse of the light I would see, would be when he looked at me or our son. I knew he was still in there, but the brightness was turning to black. I knew without a doubt that he loved (loves) his family. But I also knew that this blackness was taking away the things I fell in love with; his laugh, his sense of humor, his spontaneity, his smile, his fun-loving nature, his romance. Things had to change. And they did.
On January 25, 2013, we decided to change our life. We decided to sell everything and move back to Germany. Since then, it’s been a lot of business details from selling what we can, budgeting our finances, searching for employment and housing, etc. But as things come together, the focus has been more on the reality that our dream is coming true and I’ve seen glimpses of that light M once had. But this weekend, I saw it all; the light, the spark, the laughter, the smile, the spontaneity, the humor, the fun and the romance.
I’m here to say that the light is shining bright again. And this light, it’s not just M’s happiness, but mine too.