I have moved a lot in my lifetime. As a child, my family moved from Las Vegas, Nevada to Midland, Texas. While living in Midland my mom moved us almost every year. When trying to figure out a timeframe in the past, I usually go by what house we were living in! At 19 years old, I moved back to Las Vegas where I spent the next 12 years. Then, as you know, I moved to Germany for 2 ½ years. In the spirit of trying something new, I moved to Indiana upon my return to America. We’ve established at this point, I don’t always make the best decisions. Now, another 2 ½ years later, we are going back to Germany; a move I sincerely hope is permanent. I think I have proven I know all the tricks of the trade!
So now that I have established that I am pretty familiar with the moving process, I come to my question for other gypsies, nomads and fellow expats: Is it just me, or does it seem that as soon as people know you are leaving it’s as if you are already gone?? Do people just think, well she’s leaving anyway so why bother? Are people jealous of the “escape”? Is a move overseas just too much for some to comprehend; just too far outside their comfort zone? And these aren’t rhetorical questions! I would really like to know!
As in most cases, I think it is all about perspective. While some may find it easier to let go in the beginning, I prefer to spend as much time with people as possible before having to say goodbye. I want to leave with good memories and plenty of laughs! All we truly have in life are our experiences. These are the things that fuel your mind and fill your heart. To me, these are the things that make life worth living.
No, you are NOT alone in that thought. I spent 3 months in Germany, then when I returned to NJ for 7 months, it was as if I never existed. And, at least in my experience, the last few days, when I had the MOST to do, people wanted to THEN get together to go drinking….which I had no time for. It was ridiculous.
Also, sad to say, if your experience is similar to mine, once you are gone…you are gone. Despite facebook, email, and Skype. Gone.
I have precious few people (my parents, and a few friends, a PRECIOUS few friends) who bother to stay in touch. Unless you count a comment on FB here and there staying in touch.
Yep. That’s the same experience I had before and the same one I’m having now. I am lucky enough to say that I have a handful of friends that are still close despite me being away from them for several years now. But we have good people waiting for us in Germany too so I’m looking forward to it. It’s just like every other big life event; you always find out who your real friends are.
Thanks for reading and for the comment!
I will admit that I clicked on your name because of your name. I love it.
Thanks OM! Glad to hear it is as catchy as I thought it was!
Really like it lol. But some bad memories… heh
Lol..I’m assuming you’re speaking of Vegas. It has a way of doing that to people.
The importance of leaving well cannot be overemphasized. There’s been a lot written about it in relation to third culture kids, but it applies just as much to those of us with high mobility as adults. Here is a link to a short summary of the RAFT approach http://www.examiner.com/article/saying-goodbye-by-building-a-raft which you may find useful. Tempting, though it may be, don’t just run away without saying proper goodbyes or else it will haunt you forever. And yes, some people will stay in close touch, and others won’t, but it’s important not to get bitter about it, just remember the sweetness of the relationship that once was - like a beautiful flower that doesn’t last forever - mourn the loss but then move on.
Thank you for your comment Judy and interesting reference. As I mentioned in my post, I would love to spend more time with those I enjoy and would love to be able to say goodbye; however, they have already said goodbye so it would seem. I barely hear from them anymore despite my attempts. Everyone copes differently and I try to reassure myself that this is just their way. Regardless, I am thankful for them all as they all have a purpose in my life.
I know with people I am close with I tend to put a wall up when they or myself are leaving. it’s a way of coping…a very bad way I will admit and I have to work hard to not do it. Let those you love know you want to spend time with them and then it is up to them to reciprocate. I understand how hard it is, I too have done it all my life. But to very honest I think Germany is the place for your sweet family!!!! I am excited to see your next chapter unfold!
xoxo
Awe, thanks
. We are really excited too and I think we will finally be content.
I’ve been abroad for over a year now, and let me say this; I love a good move every once in a while, if for any reason, a fresh perspective. I moved from Boston to Providence, Providence to Tampa, Tampa to NYC, NYC to Nürnberg. And out of all these travels, I lost a lot of friends moving to Germany- at least 60% stopped talking to me regularly and I had to go out of my way to see everyone before I left to say goodbye. They didn’t come to me. That was the hardest 6 or so months after arriving in Germany, I was alone in a country I never visited before, with no friends, and my friends back home had moved on without me, forgetting my existence. To be honest, I haven’t really gotten over it yet because I still haven’t made many friends here. Anyway, I do think the people who matter will stick with you, no matter where you go and are, and those who don’t will miss out. Some people are jealous of the escape, and the journey you embark upon that they know absolutely nothing about, and some people can only be in relationships with others when they live next door.
That’s a good point about some people only being able to maintain relationships with those next door. I hadn’t really thought about that. Thanks for the comment!