Yep. That pretty much sums up how I have been feeling lately which is also my poor excuse for abandoning my blog and writing. I can’t truly explain why although I know there are reasons. When I ask myself why, I come up with answers, justifications and excuses for this funk I am in, but I think they don’t satisfy me because none of them are really a big deal. So, I feel that the general root of this dark cloud looming over my head for weeks, would simply be culture shock. As much as I would hope to deny it, being as I have lived here before, I can’t. Becoming an expat is hard. Leaving everything you know, everything that is “comfortable” behind is overwhelming. All of sudden, you are submersed in this land that you don’t understand and add language barriers to that to make you feel almost completely defeated. To add to my struggle, having a toddler makes it more difficult for me to just go out there, explore and learn things the hard way. A one year old has ZERO patience for that.
But, at my core, I am an optimist and a dreamer. Never in a million years would I think I would describe myself that way, but this journey has taught me that. I believe in the good more than the bad which is sometimes why reality (i.e. bad times), can take its toll me rendering me helpless but to succumb to the darkness and negativity. I miss myself and my happy, hopeful thoughts.
It finally occurred to me today that instead of running away from writing, I should be doing MORE OF IT! Writing and music have always been the two things to calm me and adjust my attitude right in the moment (aside from M, of course). I need to go back to what defines me and fuels my soul. I need to maintain ME, even though I am somewhere foreign. I know this stuff. This is not new or revolutionary thought here….but somehow I forgot it, lost it or blocked it. Now I remember. Goodbye, Funky Town.
I know just how you feel!! You’ll get out of it and thankfully the weather is finally nice again! Hope sunny days are ahead, write all about it!
Thank you!!
Hang in there. The first year here was just so hard all around. Like you, I had a little one; she was fourteen months, and not having a driver’s license in a country where pedestrian travel is virtually impossible was tough. But one day you will just wake up and realize that you’re in your groove. I love your updates. Keep them coming.
That’s what I’m missing…a groove! Right now it just feels like stumbling! Gypsy, are you sure you don’t want to live in Germany?
Love hearing from you. You keep me motivated.
Agree with Gypsy! It just takes a while to settle in. One morning, you’ll wake up in a fabulous mood and all the bad moods will just seem like a dream! (And a girl from Vegas with no groove?? Come on
)
Haha. This is going to be How Deanna Got Her Groove Back (without the fling) hopefully you know the movie reference here.
I do! I’m very old
I totally hear you on this! Even though I am still (leaving 7/22) on vacation here, the culture shock + a toddler + a lack of language can feel overwhelming. More writing had been helpful to me too!
I think it will be helpful. Thanks for the comment! Where are you off to after this?
Hey, I can understand how you feel. Writing about it really helps though, so I hope to read more of what you experience, the good and the bad. You have a lot of fans and supporters!!
Awww, thanks! Hope things are going well for you!
Hello. I’m glad to hear that you left Funky Town. Keep writing, and put the dust behind you. Thank for visiting, and the like on my blog.
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