Since my most recent post has apparently stirred up quite the discussion, both on and off the internet, I decided to write my response post to the response.
First off, what is a blog and why do people have them? The reasons vary from wanting to share travel experiences, personal journeys/skills (weight loss, cooking, crafts), and just to write, but in the end, it boils down to the same thing which is adhered to by the definition:
It’s all based on the writer’s own experiences, observations and opinions. Period.
Why is that important? Well, to me it means that there is not always “right and wrong” and things can’t always be “black and white”. We are all different with unique perspectives on life based on our experiences throughout. Just as some have said that I am “elitist” in my understanding of the term “expat”, they then turned around and wrote their own posts, or comments, or emails, or tweets in the exact “exclusionary” manner. It comes across that way because they formed an opinion, made a judgement, decided they were hurt and right, so I was hateful and wrong. To clarify for the record:
- I never said anything derogatory about them as individuals or a group, but they did towards me.
- They said a word meant nothing, judged my use of MY space and my writing, yet went on to fight for inclusion and/or write their own posts/emails/comments about the same thing.
- They made assumptions about me, my intent and my life yet I never did about them.
I owned my opinions. I certainly didn’t show any two-faced mannerisms by claiming to “agree to disagree”, “interesting post” or even claiming to “agree completely” just to go on and email others, write posts/comments/tweets claiming otherwise in a response to being “attacked”. I also listed plain facts in my original post to justify my conclusion and yes, with a “disclaimer”. I also responded to each and every one with respect because that is how adults have objective discussions.
For those who had hurt feelings, I apologize(d) that my words hurt on an emotional level. In the end, I respect all of their viewpoints, their posts, their thoughts, their feelings and their opinions. They have a right to all of that and their blog is absolutely a place for them to share that.
I accept the fact that there will be differences of opinion.
I am open to the criticism you leave (or don’t leave) in the comments.
This is my blog where I share my experiences. You follow (or don’t) because you like (or don’t) what I have to say. After all, isn’t that the point?
Although I read your previous post, I was not part of the discussion, but a-fucking-men. I mean, how dare you respectfully voice your personal opinion on your own platform? There is a difference between that and attacking a group of people for theirs. I’m with you gurl.
Thanks, Nadia. I agree (obviously) and appreciate your comment!
Why anyone would have an emotional response to whether or not you, or anyone else, thought they were an expat or not is beyond me.
I can somewhat understand it. The part I have trouble with is the hypocrisy in all of it. Thanks for voicing your opinion. :-)
reread the original post. it seems obvious to me that you are correct. an expat leaves their country. a us army base is considered us territory. a us citizen living, working, whatever on us territory, even if surrounded by germany, has not, in fact, left their country. my two cents…..okay, second comment, so my four cents. :)
Haha! I’m four cents richer now. ;-) I think the point of contention on both sides is that I feel the experience is different and they feel it is the same. I can concede to some points that have been made, but ultimately, I have my opinion. I never said I was right or they were wrong. It’s perspective and interpretation. Thanks for weighing in and in the end,for the support. :-)
Wow. Having gone back and read the comment frenzy from the first post I am very impressed with how you handled yourself girl! It makes me giggle seeing all these people with their panties in a wad ;) how dare you voice your own opinion on your space, HOW DARE YOU! The fact that you had to write another post is even better, I would smile knowing my voice was heard by so many and an intellectual (in some comments) debate was formed from it. Keep up the good work girl :)
Haha! I love your comment so much! For one, it made me laugh, but it also made the point about the intellectual debate. I find that type of thing interesting and stimulating but it seems it’s almost impossible to do these days. People find it too difficult to separate emotion. Thanks for reading, commenting and the support! :-)
I need to go and read the comment frenzy! I love comment frenzies! Seriously though, sorry you’ve had to deal with this - the only comfort I have to give is that people are nuts. Specifically, some people are so myopic that they take someone’s perfectly valid opinion based on their own experiences, and twist it into a personal attack on them. They did that, not you. Because they’re nuts.
Haha! Oh Claire, you’re such a doll. And I bet you know all too well about comment frenzies. That’s such a good way to put it! Opinions aren’t necessarily personal attacks. Thanks for the support!
I knew that would cause a stir lol. Keep on keeping on Deanna. We are bound to upset people because we all have different opinions. I don’t understand why some cant accept that. Discuss if you have a point to prove instead of resorting to personal attacks.
I was definitely not naive to that possibility. I didn’t realize it would turn into something else and that’s okay. I’m up for debates and discussions, not attacks. Thanks :-) I appreciate your comment as always.
I just went back and read as well. I don’t think you owed anyone an apology, it’s your opinion. I grew up in a military family, we were just military then and I have military friends that are military now. It’s a different world as you know. Keep expressing your opinion! And by the way I’m not at all offended when we don’t like the same foods ;)
We don’t like the same foods?!! WHAT? That is the last straw and where I draw the line. ;-) Thanks for commenting and sharing your opinion. I appreciate the support.
I agree with everyone above - you gave your opinion respectfully and continued to be respectful in your responses. Good for you. =)
Thanks, Ace! I appreciate it. :-)
You handled the negative comments incredibly well. I tend to lose my shit a bit when people comment negatively on mine. I mean, I respond very diplomatically, but I really get angry. Now I just don’t write about certain things anymore…. But you, you’re brave, smart, funny, and an awesome blogger. And I find you so inspiring!! Keep up the amazing work and expressing yourself, your opinions, and experiences.
My immediate response is always emotional too, like everyone I think. But I take a few deep breaths and try to understand what the person is saying before I respond and that helps. Wow. I don’t even know what to say except thank you. THANK YOU. :-) Those were really nice things to say and it means a lot. Hope you and your little one are doing well.
Glad you survived the onslaught and dealt with it in a classy way. Though some people wouldn’t recognise class if it slapped them in the face. I know from my experience of being attacked (by a whole country!) that it’s not easy to go through. I spent a while sitting behind drawn blinds for fear it would get physical - thankfully it didn’t! I totally understand the reasoning behind responding to the response as well - even though I don’t think you owe anyone an apology. Keep doing what you’re doing! Long live free speech :)
I actually thought of you when I hesitated to post it in anticipation of the fallout. I knew if you could be brave enough, I surely could as I knew this was a much lesser thing. In hindsight, I don’t feel I owe anyone an apology either. This was more of a way of saying that the post was not an emotional attack, if you don’t like it, don’t read it.
Thanks, Linda! This has definitely helped me grow as a writer.
And that’s the most important thing at the end of the say. You write for you - just remember that! Also, I’ve realised that telling people ‘if you don’t like it, don’t read it’ is a waste of time - people just love to get up in arms over something! Takes their minds off their own sad little lives ;) The trick is not to let them get to you! :)
Whoa! I just caught up with the storm cloud, maybe just as the dust settles. Guess I’ve been in my own little bubble here lol. So you offended a few people, fuck it. You can’t please everyone. The French have a term, chacun son truc. It means to each their own. You are allowed to have your own opinion, and you have live on both sides of the fence. Of course you had to generalize, and of course there are exceptions! And from my own experience with military members, there IS an us and them mentality. I’ve even heard one military affiliated person ask another if it offends them when civilians where camouflage… ??? Anyone who knows you, or has followed your blog for any amount of time, should know you never meant to offend or hurt anyone. You just opened a discussion. Isn’t that the point of having an intelligent society?
LOL, this comment totally made me laugh, especially the “fuck it”. And such a good point about the generalizations and exceptions! Damn, I should’ve included that! And that’s the hypocrisy I was referring too. The military can be VERY elitist yet here they are getting all sensitive about it. Anyway, thanks for the support friend!
Ruffled some feathers, eh?
You could say that. :-)
That means you did your job as a writer. Way to go!
Exactly!! Thank you!!
You’re welcome!!
Wow…just read the comments. You DID ruffle some feathers. Ha!
Haha! For sure, but that’s the way it goes. I may be starting to enjoy this a little.
Hahaha! Invoking an emotional response with your words can be intoxicating, for sure.
Guess I need to catch up on comments on the last post. :-)
As far as I’m concerned though, your blog, your words, your opinion. Fuck ‘em.
Amen, sister! Thank you for reading and giving me some support!
uh-oh, I didn’t read all the comments but from this I am guessing that maybe some people went a little overboard defending their opinions? That really is too bad. I liked reading all the posts on this subject. The Internet is not a nice place sometimes.
Yeah, but that’s okay. Personally, I think 2 response posts to one piece is a little much, especially since it totally blew this out of proportion and had nothing to do with what I said. But, just as this is my space, others have theirs!
While I agreed with some of ‘that’ post, but not all, I still think it was very well written and respectful and you did an excellent job of keeping your cool when responding to the comments, so as far as I’m concerned, I think you’re doing just fine! Keep on keeping on Deanna :) xoxo
Sara, that means a lot. Thank you so much! :-)
Hi! I found your blog a while back and wanted to leave a comment but had some issues remembering my wordpress.com login… Anyway, I just pulled it up again and read this entry (which then of course made me want to read the previous entry)… and I have to say, huh? Oh, the good old internet… there’s always someone ready to be offended at the drop of a hat! Seriously, why would any one care whether someone else considers them and “expat” or not? Anyway, I’ve lived in Germany for going on four years, and I don’t think I’d be inclined to refer to myself as an expat. Because, you know, at some point we’ll probably go back to the states. And your posts seemed very straightforward and well-presented to me. I personally have no idea what life for military families is like (and I’m sure it’s very difficult in many ways), but I do know what it’s like to land in a foreign country without speaking the language and try to figure out the most basic life things from scratch. That’s tough in a way that I don’t think you can understand unless you’ve done it. Sorry, I’m babbling and should be in bed already, but I’m relishing a few minutes sitting at my actual computer while the baby is finally sleeping! All I really wanted to say is, I thought that post was clearly written and have a hard time imagine how anyone could have any reaction stronger than a philosophical disagreement about the meaning of the word “expat” after reading it.
Hi Paige! Glad you stopped by. Thanks for coming back and taking the time to leave a comment. I love your point about it being a philosophical disagreement. I think there could be a lot of truth to that. Anyway, hope you got some sleep! Cheers, Deanna.
Wow it’s a little ludicrous that you had to write a whole new post about this, both post are very well written though, well done you!
I agree and sometime I have regretted writing a response. Thank you so much for the support and for stopping by!