So, here it is, the first in the Monster Momday series. MOMday…get it? Like Monday? Well, that was my genuine effort in being creative and funny, but don’t worry, I won’t quit my day job. I’ll begin by saying I can’t guarantee any worthwhile content here; there will be venting, rambling, possibly cursing and maybe less than popular opinions shared. To understand why I began this series, read here. But before I begin sharing our life as it is now, we should at the minimum, start with our monster, the newborn.
You should know that he has had that nickname since before he was even born. It really is a term of endearment that is mostly suitable for my boy, especially on his bad days. It started as a joke between myself and M before we even conceived….before we even married! I would share this joke, but trust me when I say it was a definite “you had to be there” kind of thing. We mostly joked about how our children, having M’s quick temper, my determination and both of our lack in patience with a love of food, that we would create a “monster”. Well folks, we have done just that! Don’t let this sweet adorable face fool you!
“Aww, look how sweet he is!” “He is so awake and alert!” Yes, yes he was and still is. In that picture he was only a few hours old, wide awake, and already ready to party. On his first night in the hospital, he cried all night. On his first night home, he cried all night. You must be thinking, babies cry, that’s what babies do Deanna! Yes, that’s we thought too…..until it got worse. Oh so much worse. At his one month check-up, the pediatrician told us to prepare ourselves as the crying would most likely increase as it does for most babies during this 5-8 week time frame. I’m sorry, did you say INCREASE? Really? Is there more than this? When we asked what to do, she said to keep a lot of wine in the house. We loved her.
Holy shit was she ever right. In my opinion, that 5-8 week old period was the hardest and worst time I could’ve ever imagined. During those 3 weeks, our son would stay awake for 16 hours straight. There may have been the occasional 15-20 minute nap during the day, but usually, he stayed awake from morning until night. And he cried all day. The only times he didn’t cry were when there was a bottle in his mouth. I was becoming really concerned that something was wrong. This can’t be normal. I called our wonderful doctor, but unfortunately I had to speak to a different one who was on-call for her. Do you know what she said? She told a sleep-deprived, overwhelmed, stressed out, new mother to “do whatever you need to do to make that baby sleep” and then said “This is not normal”. What the hell did she think I was doing? Just staring at him and politely asking him to sleep like a good boy? I explained I had tried it all and nothing works; her suggestion? Read this book on healthy sleep habits. Sure. I’ll do that in my spare time you whack job. But guess what this crazy mom did? I put him in the car, drove to Barnes & Noble and got the book. Of course this didn’t go without many stares at the disheveled woman running around the bookstore with the screaming baby plus the sympathy stares from mothers and grandmothers who felt my pain. Did it help? Nope. Have you ever read one of these books? Maybe they help Stepford babies, but not this wild child.
We were discovering that our little boy was going into the “he has colic” category and we were coping with sugar. LOTS OF SUGAR. And I was drinking large glasses of wine, every night at around 8, just to help me get through the bedtime routine which consisted of me standing in his room running a hair dryer with one hand and playing games on my phone with the other. I had to make sure he was in a deep sleep before I could turn the dryer off and leave the room. It’s the only thing that worked for awhile.
We didn’t live near any family and our friends were very few. We had little support except for one another. It was a hard time, but you get through it. You make jokes and eat cake. That’s what we did. Not necessarily the smartest idea seeing as how it led to bigger clothing sizes, but it was an outlet that helped us keep our sanity and the weight is beginning to come off. One thing I have learned about being a mom is that we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves or other parents. You do what you have to as a parent and you do it the best way you can. No one is perfect. No one has the right way. There is no right way.
So yes, I call my son monster, I think it’s funny and I
like am addicted to sugar.