Last night M and I were trying to catch up on HIMYM so we can watch the final season right along with everyone else. I don’t know if you watch HIMYM…..wait, who doesn’t watch HIMYM???? That’s just crazy talk. Anyway, it was the episode where Lilly shares with Ted a thought she has that’s “even worse” than Ted admitting he’s not happy about Robin and Barney getting married. She said, “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a mom. Sometimes I want to pack a bag and leave in the middle of the night.” My eyes filled with tears instantly as I knew exactly how she felt and M said out loud as if speaking to her “What parent doesn’t feel that way sometimes?”. He is absolutely right.
M has always been my rock. We are able to share thoughts and feelings like this with each other; even the ones we sometimes label as “bad thoughts”. I have always felt like we had to and if we didn’t have each other to share these thoughts with, what would we do? Would we keep them all bottled up? Would we be filled with guilt and self-loathing? I don’t think M would because he is a very grounded and confident individual.But me? That’s a different story.
As a new mom, I find that I lay so much guilt upon myself on a regular basis. I know “mom guilt” seems to be the norm and just part of being a parent, but sometimes you just need someone to say it’s okay. And while we are on the subject, why is it the norm? Why are women so hard on themselves? I think it’s because of the supposed to’s that somehow form in society and embed themselves in our minds. We all somehow still have the picture of the perfect mother in our minds. It’s usually looks like this woman:
We also see perfection as this woman:
When what it really needs to be is just YOU! You ARE perfection!
To all the moms out there, let me say one thing:
It’s okay.
It’s okay to sometimes wish you weren’t a mom. It’s okay to sometimes miss your life as it was before children. It’s okay to not be perfect. No one is perfect. It’s okay. Tell yourself this when you are hardest on yourself. Trust me, we are all feeling the same way. Did anyone think Lilly was a bad mom when watching that episode? Maybe….there are always a few judges out there. But the majority? No. We cried. We could relate. We understood and felt her pain not only in having the thought, but in sharing it.
And, if you are really feeling down and it is overwhelming, talk to someone. Talk to your spouse, a friend or seek counseling because you may be experiencing postpartum depression. Heck, message me if it helps! PPD is a sneaky monster and it is absolutely nothing to ever feel ashamed of! Take care of you. Love yourself. Your kids already do and they always will.
And one more thing, you may not be the epitome of perfection in your eyes, but I’d be willing to bet you are exactly that to your sweet kiddo.
It seems as though society puts so much pressure on moms these days. Many moms take on work both outside the home as well as maintain the upkeep of the home and children.
I am very blessed to be able to stay at home and I hope that I am able to continue to do so.
Stopping by from “mom’s Monday Mingle”. Following you on Bloglovin, Twitter, and Facebook. Looking forward to reading more of your posts.
Bismah @
Simple Mama
Hi! Thank you for stopping by from the link up and commenting. I agree and I feel the same. I am very blessed to be able to stay home.
As a mom to two little girls only 16 months apart, you said this beautifully and quite perfectly, too. Just couldn’t agree more and thank you for linking up with us at Moms Monday Mingle this week!!
Thanks Janine! Wow! Two girls pretty close in age, I bet that’s a handful!
So true Deanne!
Thanks and thanks for stopping by!
I think you read my mind! I have been feeling guilty all morning for not playing with my little one “enough”. I’ll be honest, impersonating characters and singing nursery rhymes gets boring after a while. So thanks for making me feel normal with this great post. Loving your new look blog by the way, you inspired me to do a little updating on mine. Hope all’s going well up there. Servus!
Thanks Laura! I’m really enjoying my new space too. I wish I could take the leap to self-hosted, but I’m just not ready yet. The boy is too much of a handful and until he starts school, I don’t think I can take it on.
You shouldn’t feel guilty at all, but I know what you mean. I do the same. But sometimes I need my sanity and it’s better for all of us! haha
What are the benefits of self-hosting? Must admit it’s something I had never heard of! I am so techno. Yes finding the time to even write a post is a challenge at the moment. Good on you for having such a lovely blog.
Well thank you. I think I could do better if I could actually focus. Lol when you’re self-hosted you can offer sponsorships and run ads on your site, both of which allowing you to make money from your blog. WP.com doesn’t allow this right now, but WP.org does. You just have a lot more freedom with design, content and income possibilities. But it’s an investment and commitment. Neither of which I’m able to do at the moment but I plan to.
I see. Yes it’s a commitment but definitely something to look forward to in the future
Only slightly related, as it´s about motherhood, but my friend Leah´s song is AMAZING. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPMfMJ3Vvsg
Wow…that song was so beautiful. I have tears in my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing. I’ll be sharing it on my facebook!
I am guilty for reading this post and thinking I should be playing with my kid… ahhh It never ends. But a great read, all of it so true and words we don’t hear AND say enough to one other. xx
Haha…it never ends. The mom guilt is FOREVER. And I’m at peace with it.
But we do need to quit being so hard on ourselves! xx
Beautifully put. Not that I have any experience personally, but this whole idea is probably what scares me the most (besides the whole labor thing, because, really…that scares me chitless! ok, sorry…) So glad that HIMYM put something so delicate out there, that soooo many people relate to, and made turned it into a positive, a normal thing. Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS on your new addition! I know you’re a fantastic mom
Hi there! Yes I think HIMYM did a fantastic job putting something out there that is so real and that so many of us don’t openly share because of the guilt we feel behind it. If we did share more often, we would realize everyone feels the same way and I think it would really help ease the guilt of those feelings. This idea is what used to scare me too and it still does, but those moments are far less than the great ones you have with your child and the moments you LOVE being a mom. Trust me. I’m the least “mommy type” out there I think and it’s just pure magic being a mom. Thanks for your nice words and for stopping by! (I just started following you on Bloglovin
)
Great post!!! I am not a mother, so I can only imagine the guilty feeling that must follow having a “selfish” thought. It brings to mind the phrase “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” I think the message (besides don’t irritate your mother) is that mothers, and all parents, need to remember to take care of themselves too. Nothing wrong with experiencing the full range of emotions - makes us all human!!
Thanks Amy! Yes that’s exactly it. Instead of punishing ourselves for the thought, we should acknowledge the need for a little me time. Usually when I’m feeling that way, I make some time for myself and I feel so much better after a little recharge. Everyone needs that; mother or not. I think it applies to work/life balance.
Lovely post filled with great reminders! It is so easy to feel guilt to have those thoughts some times but what we need to remember is that it is NORMAL!
Thanks for joining the Mom Lovin blog hop last week! Now following with Blog Lovin! Hope to see you tomorrow!
Also, love that your picked up your family and moved to Germany! My MIL taught German for 32 years and my family lives between here in the US and Japan! Half time about both places.
XO/Lena @ Root&Blossom
Hi! Glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
Thank you for sharing this via Mommy Monday!! We, mothers, are hard on ourselves, and when Lilly said “sometimes I wish I wasn’t a mom” I was in tears!! In that moment I was sad for her-being a Mom is hard, and when you have negative thoughts-it hurts your heart!
I cannot say I’ve had that same thought, but I do understand the stress mounting.
Especially being a new Mama (as Lilly is) it’s tough-you have to adjust to a life you’ve never known.
Sadly, moms are tough on themselves, and sometimes on each other
We should listen to each other and discuss our thoughts and feelings without snap judgement.
We should cut ourselves slack too… I need to to take my own advice; I’m quite hard on myself…
Again thanks for sharing! ❤️
Xoxo
http://mrs-aok-a-work-in-progress.blogspot.com
I think that’s a great way to put it about being a new mom- having to adjust to a new life you’ve never known. It is hard especially if you don’t have much support. No on knows better than another mom which is why I don’t understand why we don’t support each other more often with less judgement. Thanks for stopping by!