I’ve Never Liked Roller Coasters

I didn’t know it would happen, but moving to Germany the first time back in 2008 changed me. It changed me in a way I suppose I can never get back. I’m not sure I want to, but I know this new person has always felt a constant longing ever since. There is always a piece of my heart missing and I suppose there always will be.


I moved back to the states in 2010. When M joined me in 2011, I truly thought we would be there for several years. However, we hated it which was completely unexpected. Sure, we moved to the Midwest, which looking back I know was a mistake. I’m a West Coast girl and I longed for that kind of lifestyle. We did our best to make it work, but as you know the pieces of the puzzle just never fit.

We moved back to Germany.

And now, I still long for the West Coast. I miss my friends. I miss my family. We both love Las Vegas and we have the kind of friendships there that sometimes feels like only come around once in a lifetime.

But, I love Germany and the type of life my family and I can have here. There is so much security to be offered in a socialized government system. Life is more simple. Life is less stressful. Traditions are honored and maintained, such as Christmas. To experience Christmas here is like walking through a magic wonderland!

the-roller-coaster-largeAnd so, the roller coaster of life goes on. You expect ups and downs in life. That’s the nature of the beast. But for those of us who have two homes in two separate countries, our hearts are always divided. If we chose to live in Las Vegas, we would miss the best parts of Germany. By choosing to live here, we miss the best parts of Las Vegas. It feels like a no-win situation.

But in the end, you make a choice; the choice that you think is the best for your future and your family. It’s not necessarily the one that’s best for your heart.

For all of our family and friends back home, we chose this, but know it wasn’t easy. We miss you being a part of our lives. We think of you always. We love you all .

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17 thoughts on “I’ve Never Liked Roller Coasters

  1. kaelene10

    These post couldn’t be more true! I think after the holidays it has really made me miss home and make me think if I can really handle being away from everyone. Funny how when I am back home I am longing to get over to Iceland and now that I am here I have forgotten the bad times at home and just want to be back there! Definitely the roller coaster of life as an expat, knowing your not only helps though:)

    1. Deanna (@Casinos2Castles)

      It is a strange phenomenon isn’t it? Im definitely really missing my loved ones. The perfect solution would to just be rich and have a house in both places! ;-) Thanks for stopping by! I’ll definitely be by your blog later.

  2. The Vanilla Housewife

    *Hugs! I know how you feel! Most of our family and friends are in Mindanao and it gets hard during the holidays. We were just lucky my in-laws came for Christmas. We could go for the new year celebration but it’s an 8 hour boat trip plus a 2 hour bus trip. Not to mention the cost! I thank internet though because it helps bridge the distance.

  3. Amy Lynne Hayes

    It’s what I call “the curse of the expat” - no real sense of belonging anymore!! I love my family of course in the States and being near, but I feel most alive in France, and had the least trouble adjusting in Australia… what to do but continue on this ride called life and see where the twists and turns take us! :)

  4. Pingback: Group Therapy: December « HACKER. NINJA. HOOKER. SPY.

  5. Gede Prama

    Thank you very much for following the blog, I really look forward to reading your posts and happy new year 2014. Gede Prama :-)

  6. Allison

    So very true, as I’m learning more and more every day. Even if I wanted to go back, the life that I’m remembering - my job, our house, etc. - no longer exists there. Even going back would be going forward. And after living for even a little bit with socialized health care, the health care situation in the US feels much more uncertain and scary. So I’m with you on that one.

  7. Pingback: The Roller Coaster Ride of Expat Life | Young Germany

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