I. Am. Home.

With both that statement and realization, it also occurred to me that I have two homes. This realization was another epiphany I had during the beginning of this journey when I was greeted by both family and friends with such love upon my arrival in Germany. You might think that this should be expected of friends and family, but the circumstances are unique. My husband’s family I have only met a few times and some not at all until now. In addition, many only speak German but do understand English. This is relevant because it makes it so much more special to me to be welcomed with open arms by people I can barely communicate with. In regards to his friends, I also only met them a handful of times prior to my return to America. Only in Las Vegas where I have my parents and friends I have had for over a decade, have I ever felt at home……until now.

When we landed in Frankfurt, I had this sinking feeling and couldn’t figure out what it was; after all, this is what I wanted, right? RIGHT??? Anxiety took over like a wildfire and I began to panic. Walking through the airport I kept looking around asking myself, “why am I not more excited? Why am I afraid and not ecstatic? Oh God, did I make a mistake?”. Then my rational side decided that I shouldn’t freak out yet considering I had been awake for almost 24 hours, traveling with a one year old who only slept 3 of the 11 hour flight and had the worst actual flight possible. Maybe now was not the time to be criticizing or over-analyzing my life decisions.

As we drove through Germany and came closer to our new home, all the beauty of this country calmed those fears and I began to remember all that I had missed. We got to our village and we are surrounded by vineyards and the Mosel River. We came inside and had a Bitburger Radler and homemade dinner. The jet lag kicked in and I was soon asleep and when I woke up, I couldn’t have been happier.

We all know in our hearts where we need to be and what can satisfy our dreams. The problem is that fear can be stronger than our desires and keep us from taking a leap of faith to follow our hearts. Let me just say that in my past, I let fear win. But when I met my husband, I listened to my heart and soul for the first time; this is the second time. In both cases, my life completely changed. In both cases, it was for the better. In both cases, I have been blessed to have found that happiness that is deep, satisfying and beautiful. I am home. 

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29 Responses to I. Am. Home.

  1. Welcome home! I hope that you are very happy in Germany!

  2. So happy that you are now where you are meant to be. And a tad envious! Can’t wait to touch down one day where I am meant to be! Looking forward to hearing about the transition and the settling. Very exciting times. Good to see you posting again!

  3. Glad you are happy with your decision. I have random moments sometimes of fear still mainly because this language is difficult but know one thing if you have the right support and people who care you will get over every moment of anxiety.

    As for language help check out Duolingo.com and memrise.com they’re both free and quite helpful :)

    • Thanks! I will definitely check those out. I think the language is the hardest part and biggest contributor to culture shock. But I remind myself that this is doable and I have to just keep making the effort and in time it will feel more natural.

  4. Welcome home! :-)

  5. Welcome back!!! Good luck getting back in the German groove of things! If there is ever anything you need or if you ever want to talk, I’m around. Although not close by (Nürnberg).

    • Thanks Ellie! It is definitely culture shock all over again but I have really missed this place. Same to you, if you ever need anything or want to chat, I’m here! I don’t plan on working for awhile since I have my little guy which should allow for a mostly flexible schedule.

    • Thank you! Hope all is well with you and your new little one!

      • People can try to prepare you for being a parent, offering advice and what not, but it is something that just needs first-hand experience.

        This week has been crazy. I started out the week feeling, well, I can’t even describe it, but by the week’s end, I feel like I’ve done a good job of juggling the baby and life.Hopefully it will continue!

      • My husband and I have said that many times. You can’t ever be prepared because you truly have no idea how much work it is. I’ve always said its the hardest but best thing I’ve ever done.

        I know how hard it can be especially without friends and family near. We live so close….feel free to email me to vent or just mom to mom convo. :-) Glad your week went well!

  6. Welcome home, I’ll bet the Bitburger tasted damn good! BTW, I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award! [email protected]

  7. A belated welcome home! You sound happy :-)

  8. What an exciting journey you’ve been on, I can’t imagine relocating on your own, it sounds so stressful! For us, at least we have the military as a go between to handle most of the annoyances (and the expense!).

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