With both that statement and realization, it also occurred to me that I have two homes. This realization was another epiphany I had during the beginning of this journey when I was greeted by both family and friends with such love upon my arrival in Germany. You might think that this should be expected of friends and family, but the circumstances are unique. My husband’s family I have only met a few times and some not at all until now. In addition, many only speak German but do understand English. This is relevant because it makes it so much more special to me to be welcomed with open arms by people I can barely communicate with. In regards to his friends, I also only met them a handful of times prior to my return to America. Only in Las Vegas where I have my parents and friends I have had for over a decade, have I ever felt at home……until now.
When we landed in Frankfurt, I had this sinking feeling and couldn’t figure out what it was; after all, this is what I wanted, right? RIGHT??? Anxiety took over like a wildfire and I began to panic. Walking through the airport I kept looking around asking myself, “why am I not more excited? Why am I afraid and not ecstatic? Oh God, did I make a mistake?”. Then my rational side decided that I shouldn’t freak out yet considering I had been awake for almost 24 hours, traveling with a one year old who only slept 3 of the 11 hour flight and had the worst actual flight possible. Maybe now was not the time to be criticizing or over-analyzing my life decisions.
As we drove through Germany and came closer to our new home, all the beauty of this country calmed those fears and I began to remember all that I had missed. We got to our village and we are surrounded by vineyards and the Mosel River. We came inside and had a Bitburger Radler and homemade dinner. The jet lag kicked in and I was soon asleep and when I woke up, I couldn’t have been happier.
We all know in our hearts where we need to be and what can satisfy our dreams. The problem is that fear can be stronger than our desires and keep us from taking a leap of faith to follow our hearts. Let me just say that in my past, I let fear win. But when I met my husband, I listened to my heart and soul for the first time; this is the second time. In both cases, my life completely changed. In both cases, it was for the better. In both cases, I have been blessed to have found that happiness that is deep, satisfying and beautiful. I am home.